Confidence — I Want What She’s Got!

Anne Whitehouse PhD
3 min readMar 23, 2021


How many times have you thought or felt this when you see another women who looks confident, self-assured and assertive.

“I want what she’s got!”

How many times have you wished that could be you. But even as we have that thought, deep inside we feel that familiar sinking feeling. Knowing that this can never be us.

But it should be you, and me. It should be all of us!

Why is it that we don’t recognise and feel our own intrinsic self-worth and value, our own intelligence, creativity and our big wonderful heart?

If we did, we’d know we have the right to have that wonderful self-assurance and deep confidence that allows us to sail through life, taking our rightful place in the world.

It could be that you’re suffering from what I call a sabotaging achiever programme.

“What are you talking about Anne?” I hear you say.

Well it’s like this. If you’re like me and many other people, achievement is a very deep-seated motivation in our lives. We aren’t satisfied being mediocre. We want to improve ourselves, to make a difference and to create something worthwhile our lives. We want to go as high as it’s possible for us to go.

Then one day early in our lives, we experience an obstacle, or a challenge that seems impossible to surmount, but we push forward, expand ourselves and find ourselves achieving what we thought was impossible.

A new ‘fact’ gets rooted in our brain at that point.

“Obstacles help me achieve the impossible.”

And then we extrapolate it!

“If one obstacle helped me achieve, then ten obstacles will help me achieve more, and a hundred huge obstacles will be even better!”

You can see where this is going, can’t you! The subconscious mind has no concept of optimal stimulation, moderation or balance. It is on a very different page — the page of ‘all or nothing’, perfection, maximisation and utter, utter exhaustion.

At this point, a destructive pattern has become locked into our minds. Your mind begins a little logic dance with itself. The conversation goes something like this…

“If I believe I can’t do something, I’ll push myself further, and harder, and maybe then I will do better than I ever thought possible.”

From that moment onwards, our minds decide to hold us back, filling us with sabotaging limiting beliefs that undermine us in the hope of stimulating further achievement. We give ourselves beliefs such as: I’m useless. I’m nothing. I’m stupid. I’m inadequate. I’m unloved. I’m inferior.

In reality, instead of stimulating achievement, they just make us unhappy, undermine our confidence, block the pleasure in our successes, push us ever harder, and can ultimately lead to burnout.

It’s a slippery slope. One that I, and many of the women I’ve worked with know all too well. We know in theory about balance and wellbeing, but the compulsion to push ourselves mercilessly is ingrained in us, to our very core. And it never ends well!

However, Knowledge is Power

Now you understand this, you can take another angle, and pull back your power. Next time you feel that sinking feeling that tells you that you aren’t good enough, aren’t confident enough and aren’t deserving enough, tell yourself the truth.

These Beliefs and Feelings are Illusions!

They are not the truth. These beliefs and feelings are just your subconscious mind doing its best to manipulate and sabotage you.

As soon as you know those limiting beliefs are illusions, and why they are there, they will begin to lose their power over you.

Take look at who you really are. Look at your gifts, talents, qualifications, intelligence, imagination, integrity and compassion. You are of enormous value and the equal of anyone you meet.

You already have what she has, just allow yourself to recognise it!

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Does this speak to you? Here are 3 ways I can help you.

  1. Get my book ‘Pull Back Your Power’.

2. Start retraining your subconscious mind with my ‘Safe to Succeed’ healing bundle.

3. Join my Facebook community for career women who are ready to hold their power under pressure and stand out as leaders in their field.



Anne Whitehouse PhD

Author of 'Pull Back Your Power', Power Alchemist, PhD in Metallurgy, FRSA. Freeing women and men from patriarchy, so we are all free and safe to flourish.